HEAVY EMOTIONAL STATES

PANIC ROOM

Intense emotions flood us in the panic room we have barricaded ourselves in.  Walls of protection are built around us for protection but slowly the water begins to seep in. At first, we can ignore it. It’s just a puddle. Patch the hole and continue. After a while the incoming flow is nipping at our shins. We can still wade through this. It’s okay. The water is up to our waist. Worry sets in but is pushed away as our eyes divert upwards, away from the obvious trouble we will soon be in. The water is to our chin. Our breathing becomes panicked and labored. As the water continues to rise, we begin to flap our legs and arms to stay afloat. The water rises and rises. Every ounce of effort is being exerted to keep your head above water. The water demands you to continue struggling. You are fighting the water for your life.

The door.

Swim down and open the door.

But what stops you?

Fear?

Do we face our fear and open the door or do we drown because we are afraid?

Open the door.

Freedom awaits.

Intense emotional states are avoided like the door to the panic room. Its understandable why. Allowing ourselves to feel grief, shame, sadness and relive the stories underneath is terrifying. What is the motivation for letting these feelings in? It frees you from their power over you.

CRACK THE DOOR

We began this meditation course with the Loving Kindness Meditation to ease our way in. The practice of Loving Kindness sets the foundation for this work by way of cracking the door and slowly allowing the water to escape. If the emotions arising remain too intense to sit with, go back and spend time with the Loving Kindness Meditation. Enter with compassion and care for yourself. There is no rushing or forcing needed This is your life’s work of the soul’s evolution. It’s not a race, it’s a process.

When you are up to the ceiling sipping air, it’s obvious that there is a problem. The emotions are so intense here that you know what you are working with. Here we take the deep dive and bravely sit with anxiety, anger or whatever is bubbling over. What emotion lies underneath?

However, if your water is just to your ankles and you are functioning “just fine” in life, where do you start? Walk over to the door and reach for the doorknob. Do this by allowing yourself to feel the emotional barricades you have built. These come in by way of anger, frustration, fear, avoidance, jealousy. Scan your week and think of any scenarios that you were emotionally triggered. You snapped at a loved one. You got frustrated waiting in line.

LET THE WATER OUT

A second way to let emotions arise is to remove behaviors that induce pleasure and numb underlying feelings.; food, alcohol, being busy all of the time, looking at your phone. Challenge yourself to go a few days without the things you use to numb and comfort yourself. You may not even realize they are numbing anything. Experiment and see what arises. I found this to be true when I refined my diet and eliminated sugar. I had no idea what was hiding underneath! They call it comfort food for a reason.

Explore emotions in meditation and ask yourself what comes up when you let yourself feel the emotion arising. View your meditation cushion as your safe space to investigate the mind. Be kind to yourself and free of judgement. No emotion is looked at as bad or good, for that matter. Repeat the emotion in your head a few times and recall the moment they arose. Then, notice the feeling underneath. What is the story? What are you telling yourself? What is the fear? Is it real? If not, how can you rewrite the untrue stories you are telling yourself?

A highly respected teacher of mine, Tara Brach, offers an investigative process by way of the acronym R.A.I.N. I have used it in my healing process and found it to be extremely helpful.

R: Recognize what is happening.

A: Allow life to be just as it is.

I: Investigate inner experience with kindness.

N: Non-identification.

Read more about this process here.

MEDITATION PRACTICE: BREATHE AGAIN

Today’s reading and meditation is on exploring these intense emotional states. Listen with compassion and care for yourself. I encourage a few minutes of silent contemplation and journal afterwards.

To your greatness.