SOFTENING TO PAIN
PAIN
I lay in the backseat of my black, lunchbox shaped car, the soles of my feet pointed towards the roof. Nothing was stopping the shrieking sensations coursing through my lower extremities. In fact, the pain was intensifying. For the previous five hours, I had been running my first ultra-marathon. My feet carried me thirty miles over a narrow trail of roots, rocks, streams through the beautiful evergreen landscape of the Pacific Northwest. The cramping began during the first 6 miles. Initially, my mind panicked. Committed to finish, I relinquished my fears and softened to the moment.
I became completely present.
The breath flowing in and out.
Notice passing sensation.
Let go of resistance.
Become one with my surroundings.
Admire the green brilliance of the trees,
The infinitude of iridescent blue of the sky.
The smell of dirt and pine needles.
Right foot left foot over jutting rocks and roots.
Keep going one step at a time.
Moving in a meditation,
I did not dare to think about how much further I had to go.
Soaring Eagle 30 mile Trail Run, May 2014
After flowing in this way for the remainder of the race, the finish line appeared as the gates of heaven. I crossed with such relief that I fell to my knees. Like many events I have completed solo, I finished with no acknowledgement other than my own. The sensation of needles being stabbed through my legs began immediately after my motion stopped. Once on the ground, I could not get back up. Two people chatting near the finish looked down at my crumpled form and asked, “Are you okay?” I whimpered a yes, but they had already returned to their conversation. I winced in pain as I began crawling in the direction of the parking lot dragging my burning legs behind me. I needed a stretcher. Upon arrived at my parked vehicle, I quickly unlocked the doors and reached upwards for the door handle of the back seat. I opened the door and hoisted my electro-shocked body into the back seat.
I began to take deep breaths attempting to relax into the pain. It was almost an hour before the sensation of 1,000 bee stings subsided and I was able to make the long drive home.
MANAGING PAIN
It would be great if the mind could tell pain, “go away, please, I don’t want you here” and the nervous system magically responded with a flood of ambient sensation. Sadly, this is not the case. When pain is there. It is there, until it is not. Managing pain becomes a skill honed by manipulation of the breath and letting go of resistance.
The body is calmed by the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. By breathing deeply, we can manipulate the body into its parasympathetic mode. Our heart rate slows on our exhale and encourages the relaxed state. Begin to slow the breath, counting as you inhale and exhale. Focus your attention on the exhale and soften areas of unnecessary tension. As if asking pain “why are you here?" allow the pain in to dissolve freely.
THE PAIN PRINCIPLE
Let pain run its course in the spaciousness of the body. Instead of my pain and my body, think THE pain in THE body. Pain is a temporary sensation being felt by the body. Wanting pain that is present to go away can make the pain worse. Surrendering to discomfort enables acceptance and softening. The initial reaction of the mind is to resist the pain that is there. This rejection of pain creates attachment and identification with the body that is experiencing the sensations of the nervous system. Rejection of what is happening to the body will not make the situation magically transform. Thoughts of “I don’t want this to be happening” or “I want this to stop” creates tension against that which is intense, intensifying pain. While my pain was somewhat self-inflicted, its not unlike how I would manage pain when it enters by other means.
Hope for the best and plan for the worst. However unwanted, pain is certain to happen in life. When we acknowledge this, we can plan for what to do when pain’s unwelcome knock comes to our door. When unprepared, we panic and respond with rejection. When we know what to do with pain, we can become better equip to handling it with equanimity.
EXERCISING THE RESPONSE TO PAIN
The same techniques used on the cushion in meditation are used in dissolving the attachment to pain off the cushion. Practicing these steps while in seated and moving meditation makes them more automatic when confronted with pain in life. Rejection of pain does not make the sensations disappear. Prior to your workout and seated meditation, have a plan as to what you are going to do when physical discomfort or feelings on uneasiness (anxiety, worry, doubt) arrive.
1. Focus the gaze. When in motion, concentrate on a fixed point in front of you. When not in motion, close the eyes and focus the awareness at a point just behind the eyes.
2. Breath awareness. Begin to breathe fully in and out. Use abdominal thoracic breaths expanding the chest cavity to allow oxygen in. Exhale, let go of clenching. In a moving meditation, use the muscles that are needed and relax the muscles that are not.
3. Give your body instructions. Tell the body what you want it to do. In a moving meditation, instead of listening to my mind say “Stop! This really hurts!” Instruct the body to move and determine these instructions prior to the pain coming in. Break down the movement you are doing and give the body specific commands.
4. When the feelings of discomfort arrive, expand through any areas of the body that are unnecessarily tense. Relax into the pain. Think of the nervous system like a series of hoses through the body. Tension tightens around the hose and created a kink which then, builds up pressure intensifying pain. Softening releases the kink in the hose and will reduce the pain and discomfort to disperse or at least allow the mind to move away from focusing on the unwanted sensation. Think of the tissue around the pain softening like a sponge soaking up water.
MEDITATION PRACTICE
Attached is a second pain meditation and reading about pain. Practice the steps above while listening. Continue the practice while sitting for 1 to 5 minutes after. The more you understand pain the easier it is to deal with its occurrence in our lives.
To your greatness.