WHAT ARE YOU HUNGRY FOR?

HUNGER

Phone turned off and put out of sight.  No scrolling. Music turned off. No noise. Book on the shelf. No distractions. I sat to eat my first meal.

I looked down at the vibrant food on my plate. Each morsel anxiously awaiting entry into my body. My gaze shifted to my fork. The luminescent silver demanded I pick it up and begin. “Hurry!” It said. “You don’t want this to take all day.” 

I resisted the fork’s impatient commands and sat with my hands in my lap to take a breath and be grateful. Grateful to have food to eat. Grateful to provide my body nutrients. Grateful for each bite.

My stomach growled announcing its readiness, but I remained still.

Hunger.

I thought for a moment of all the people on the planet who go hungry each day. My mind returned to gratitude and the wish for all beings to be blessed with an end to their hunger.

Hunger.

I contemplated this word. What Is hunger? A need to be satisfied. What am I craving? What will truly satisfy my hunger? This plate of food before me seems the obvious answer. I have eaten this same plate of food before and it does not satiate my craving. I am always still hungry.

What am I hungry for?

MORE

More. I always want more.

Why is it not enough? Why is it never enough?

What am I truly hungry for?

I lift my fork and look at it, feel it in my hand.

I hear a voice shout “What are you waiting for? Get started already!”

The need to hurry. The need to rush. What is next on the list to be done?

Can this moment when I hold my fork be enough? I feel myself anticipating the end. The plate is empty in my mind before taking a single bite. I am grieving the end before I’ve even begun to enjoy.

I pierce a blueberry. “More! More!” the fork demands.

Breathe and ignore.

I raise the fork and my lips slowly part. The fork enters my mouth resting on the pillow of my tongue. My lips close and the fork slides out.

“More! More!” the impatient implement announces.

I set the anxious fork down and bite into the blueberry. Sweetness superimposed upon tartness explodes like fireworks in my mouth.

“You have so much to do today. Hurry! Take another bite! You are wasting time.”

Mind.

I close my eyes, take in a deep breath and chew.

“You don’t have time for all this chewing!”

Mind.

ENOUGH

If this moment is not enough? What will ever be enough?

Breath again.

Look at the fork.

Pick up the fork.

Load the fork.

Take another bite.

Set down the fork.

Chew. Chew. Chew.

Swallow.

Breathe.

Look at the fork.

I continued my meal in this way until my plate was empty.

LESS

It seemed an eternity before I finished yet when I stood to take my plate to the sink I glanced at the clock. It was only 35 minutes. It took me less time to eat than usual because I wasn’t doing all of the other things I normally do simultaneously.

The feeling that predominated my meal was the need to hurry. The feeling that I was not getting enough done. I was not doing enough. I was not enough. Do more. Be more. Try more. Go. Go. Go. Do. Do. Do.   

I realized with this eating experiment that the need to be productive has left me not living my life. I miss the moment. I miss the present because of the need to get things done. The things that need to get done are never truly focused on because of the next incoming demands to get more done.

One thing at a time. Can I do one thing at a time?

Why the hurry to the next moment?

I have been practicing doing one thing at a time over the last week and it has greatly improved my focus. When I set out to complete a task, I eliminate every possible distraction. In doing this, I have realized how the ability to progress in my life has been impeded due to constant demand of progress. My mind is floating to the next task before the task at hand is completed. Because of my rush to get things done, everything takes longer to do.

That is what this work is for. When we awaken to the moment, we see clearly how we are getting in our own way. I saw with a crystal clear awareness how I was getting in my own way.

By doing less, I am doing more.

CONTINUED PRACTICE

Today’s reading continues our study on conscious eating. Listen to the reading and meditation prior to eating your distraction free meal. Contemplate what comes in for you. What is your hunger telling you? What are you hungry for? Where can you find true satisfaction in your life? Can right now be enough?

How can you get out of your own way and start living the life your truly want? The life you are hungry for? The life that will satisfy you?

To your greatness.