INVESTIGATION IN EATING
INVESTIGATION IN EATING
As mentioned in Tuesday’s 5.2 blog, conscious eating begins with increased attention regarding what you are putting into your mouth and why. To raise awareness, our diet becomes an investigation in eating. Not only do we explore what we are eating and why but also the emotions that arise. What emotions trigger food cravings and what emotions are triggered as a result of eating? Shame, grief, sadness, stress can all be triggered by food. Further exploration leads us to the stories underneath: The need for comfort, love, even the desire not to feel.
Proceed in the investigation process with non-judgement; shifting to a response of “Oh, that was interesting that I ate 5 cookies after a bad day at work.” “What was I trying not to feel?”
THE MIND WANTS WHAT IT WANTS
The end of my Whole Life Challenge with the gigantic plate of macaroni and cheese was the beginning to a more conscious way of eating. While I only lasted a few weeks before caving, I learned a valuable lesson.
When we tell the mind not to have something. That is all that it wants. This is a lesson I had learned in the past with other habits. However, I was naive to the fact that the food I was unconsciously putting in my body had a real hold on my mind as well.
This first experience was one of many where my mind intensely craved that which I was restricting it from. From day one of the Challenge, my senses were drawn to sweets, cheese, and pasta. That apple in the fridge could not have looked more unappealing.
As the days went by, my cravings only grew, exponentially, in fact! My mind was in constant negotiations with itself about how it was going to get what it wanted. “I’ll reward myself.” “I deserve this.” “I’ve worked so hard!” “Look, I make it two weeks!” “I’ll give myself a cheat meal.”
Sound familiar? It will to anyone who has changed their diet.
EVERY CAVE TO CRAVING IS A STEP IN THE PROCESS
If I had labeled myself a failure on that first attempt, I would not have worked through my emotional attachments to food. Every cave to cravings over the years was a step in the process of clearing out old stores and becoming a more conscious eater.
Reset. Investigate. Try again. Repeat as many times as necessary until you are eating, without the feeling of restriction.
It took me five years of process to get to the point where I don’t crave cookies, cakes, cheese or pasta.
I now eat a regimented diet consisting of foods that are nutrient dense and non-inflammatory for my body. One day a week, I purchase and prep all my meals. My shopping cart is filled with fresh produce and organic meats. I have eliminated sugar, pastas, rice and dairy. When cravings occasionally arise -usually for chocolate- there is an emotional reason attached.
I wrote about cravings in a previous blog series on habits. You can check that out here.
QUESTION HUNGER: WHAT ARE YOU REALLY FEELING?
I have calculated the calories my body need to sustain itself and operate within a range of 2,000 to 2,500. I know that I put enough food in my body each day.
So, why are there times when I still feel hungry?
Maybe it’s not hunger for food.
That sensation in the belly that is identified as hunger may not be hunger at all.
I own a small skin care business in Seattle. Currently, my business is closed due to the Corona virus outbreak. One evening, was at work going over financials figuring out how I was going to sustain my small business after two months of no revenue. I had eaten my dinner already but as I was leaving, I felt a pang in my stomach and the insatiable urge to eat. I could have eaten 2,000 more calories and still felt hungry because I wasn’t facing that which was truly causing the tightness in my stomach. In fact, binge eating would have most certainly made the feeling in my belly worse.
I have put my heart and soul into building my business. To think of losing it is devastating.
The feeling I was having in my belly was not hunger. It was stress and sadness. How often do we eat without question to what that feeling is?
Most of the time, I can reason with myself and initiate a process of identifying the emotion and working through it. Either I had spent too many days in quarantine or the magnitude of emotion was too intense because I stopped by the grocery store, purchased two Cliff bars and ate them both on my walk home. My stomach hurt after and my stress only temporarily alleviated by the sugar.
I did not feel guilty. I did not feel like I failed. I simply noticed: “Oh, that did not make me feel better.” “What emotion is here?”
EATING IN A SACRED MANNER
The readings this week have further elevated my consciousness about the food I put in my body and also the entirety of my life. To eat one bite at a time, look, and think about my food has slowed me down. It has caused me to pause and reflect on all that has brought me to this moment. Then, to live in this moment as my highest priority. I was not expecting this result when I began this unit on conscious eating. It has brought me to a more present state of being.
CONTINUED PRACTICE
For our silent meditation today, sit with the soft belly meditation. This will clear out holdings in the belly that are identified as hunger. It will also aid in our ability to receive and digest our food with gratitude.
Listen to the readings and meditation on Sacred Eating prior to your ‘disruption free’ meal today. Contemplate and journal your thoughts.
To your greatness.